|| sad, confused, tired
I am so tired. Every bone in my body aches, but I can't rest. The last two years have been the most painful of my life. It's like I've just woken out of a terrible and vivid nightmare.
I can't believe it's been that long. I don't have the memory of some months at all, whilst some days seemed to last for horrific weeks. When I think about that, I feel sick and start shaking. I fear I might go crazy again just from the knowledge of what I went through.
Dawn saved me. Dawn who died, and is back somehow. I don't understand what happened exactly. It's all a blur. I did something, I think. But... No, it makes no sense to me, and I don't want to think about it. It hurts to think about it too much.
I lie down on the bed. I don't remember it, but apparently Willow and I moved in here after Dawn died. Willow's made the spare room at Buffy's so pretty. Then I was sent to the institution, of course, but this place already feels like home.
The doctors had proclaimed my recovery a "miracle". They asked my dad if it was ok to officially release me, since he's my next of kin. He said, apparently, that I could do whatever the hell I like. Glad to feel the family love. Apparently the shame of having a crazy daughter was too much for him. But at least that means I'm free from the fear that one day he'll come for me.
The house is mercifully quite quiet. Buffy and Joyce, of course, were overjoyed when Dawn came back, and they are constantly around her, asking if she's ok and if she needs anything. I feel a little overlooked, but at the same time, I don't want too much fuss. Quiet is better. I scare so easily these days.
Sighing, I snuggle into the pillows. I wish Willow were here. I have memories of Willow visiting me in the hospital, of her looking at me with her big sad eyes, talking to me, loving me. But apparently she got addicted to the magics. I can't say it surprises me. I don't like to admit that I suspected it might happen - it seems like I'm betraying her - but I was always a little scared of how quickly she picked up magic, and how much she started using it. I guess with me gone she went over the edge. I feel so guilty about that, even though it wasn't my fault I was sick. I just feel I should have been able to resist Glory somehow, and because I didn't, I lost two years of my life and I failed Willow.
I just hope she comes home soon. I don't expect to be able to pick things up where we left them - too much has changed - but I still love her. Always, always will, no matter what she does. I just hope when she returns she'll still be the Willow I knew before all this happened.
((Open to anyone - probably any scoobies in the house.))